Dear Breastfeeding Moms: You're not that big of a deal.
First, I am a proponent of breastfeeding. I nursed 5 babies for a total of roughly one million months, and it was awesome for a number of reasons.
My Nursing Pros:
1. It was cheap. Mom eats a well balanced diet and drinks lots of water, then voila, magic!
2. It was easy. What's that, you're hungry? I've got the stuff (cue mental pic of me selling watches from inside a long black jacket)
3. No bottle prep & cleaning (besides a shower)
4. No powder spills in the car that could look questionable in the event of a traffic stop (self explanatory)
5. I couldn't forget it at home.
This is why I have given myself permission to semi-rant on nursing moms. Because I was one.
It's like the old saying goes- only a penguin can make fun of another penguin for being chubby, waddly, and looking like an idiot while sitting on a large egg for months. Anyone else making fun- say, a polar bear, for instance- is just plain mean. Don't be a polar bear.
This is not my attempt to collect recognition points for my (incredible, valiant, selfless, exhausting) nursing accomplishments. Nursing can be unbelievably challenging, especially at first, and I applaud anyone's efforts to breastfeed-even if just for a week. It is also not my intent to boob-shame anyone. Y'all are free to do as you please. You're welcome. I understand people have different stories, motives, reasons, etc., and it is totally fine for us to disagree.
I'm just tired of seeing boob pics on social media.
Yes, breastfeeding is proven to provide a more balanced nutritional meal than formula. The AAP and AMA say so, and those letters look super important. Breastfeeding is also freaking amazing. We can grow stuff and feed it, too. Mind. Blown.
But...
Women have nursed for years. Decades. Centuries! Did our great great grandmothers feel the need to post a breastfeeding picture with a fully exposed breast and semi-covered nipple for all to see on social media? Did they etch a picture of their boob onto a tree with a slew of tally marks underneath, each representing a month their boobs did hard labor? No. No, they did not.
Why?
Because they were just feeding their babies. IT WASN'T A BIG DEAL.
Perhaps the "movement" I've been witnessing on social media (the one with accompanying baby/boob pics) began because there were some pretty awful people saying rude things to mothers who were discreetly nursing in public. This is not ok, and I'm sorry if you have received any similar negativity while on your nursing journey.
Do you know what is also rude? Shaming the formula mommas. You might have either said something yourself or overheard comments. The little competitive bombs, gently tossed hither and yon, a kind of feeding name-dropping thing. "Oh totally fine that you didn't breastfeed more than a week! I just feel like my Michael would've had more health problems if I hadn't nursed him for a year...but good for you. You also give your toddler Mt. Dew, right?"
Let me tell you something. Formula did not become easily accessible in the United States until the early 1950s. This is my proof that breastfeeding will not make your child a good person: Think of all of the horrible people born before 1950. Ted Bundy, politicians (pick a politician, any politician), the awful witch lady from Snow White...I can go on and on. Most likely, they were all breastfed. The method by which your wee little one receives her nutrition will NOT make her a good person.
Let me say that again.
BREASTFEEDING WILL NOT MAKE YOUR CHILD A GOOD PERSON.
And it doesn't make you a better mom. I'm sorry. Yes, we are trying to be good mothers. Please know I commend us all for that. It is a tough, tough journey and I wish I could give you all plaques to hang on the wall. Nursing takes a lot of effort- just to feed a tiny human!
I will promise you this much, though: When that sweet little baby grows into a teenager that makes a bad decision (hopefully not too bad, but sometimes that happens, too), you will not sit and wonder if you should have nursed them longer.
And speaking of "movements"...
I will now argue that bowel movements are more important than breastfeeding. Yes, I'm serious.
5 Reasons Why Pooping is More Important than Breastfeeding:
1. If a mother isn't able to breastfeed, she(or anyone else) can go to the store to purchase formula, bottles, and the like.
2. If a mother isn't able to breastfeed, she(or anyone else) can also run to a friend, family member, or random neighbor in the event of a zombie apocalypse, seeking out any extra scoops or long lost sample packs of formula.
3. What if someone isn't able to go poop? THEY DIE.
4. If someone isn't able to go poop, they will require major surgery. Or... THEY WILL DIE.
5. Also, in the event of a zombie apocalypse- if someone isn't able to go poop, THEY WILL STILL DIE, but while hiding from zombies. Awful.
So.
Will this post help slow the amount of breastfeeding pictures I will see on social media? I don't think so.
Will this post anger some who have already posted nursing pictures on social media? I hope not, but probably. And you might want to check out that freckle.
Will I post a picture of my child eating a cheeseburger with a passive-aggressive caption about how I guess we're all posting pics of kids eating food? Possibly, if I can find a willing participant.
Will I continue to wonder why Snow White idiotically took a bite out of an apple that a creepy, shriveled up, random woman handed her? Endlessly.
Thank you for letting me air my frustrations. No mother should be shamed for nursing or bottle feeding and that is not my intent- I commend you all for doing your best to make sure your little plants are fed and watered with only the best nutrients and water molecules.
I'm just over here, drinking my coffee, wishing we could all #makeprivatepartsprivateagain.
Best Regards,
Bucky
My Nursing Pros:
1. It was cheap. Mom eats a well balanced diet and drinks lots of water, then voila, magic!
2. It was easy. What's that, you're hungry? I've got the stuff (cue mental pic of me selling watches from inside a long black jacket)
3. No bottle prep & cleaning (besides a shower)
4. No powder spills in the car that could look questionable in the event of a traffic stop (self explanatory)
5. I couldn't forget it at home.
This is why I have given myself permission to semi-rant on nursing moms. Because I was one.
It's like the old saying goes- only a penguin can make fun of another penguin for being chubby, waddly, and looking like an idiot while sitting on a large egg for months. Anyone else making fun- say, a polar bear, for instance- is just plain mean. Don't be a polar bear.
This is not my attempt to collect recognition points for my (incredible, valiant, selfless, exhausting) nursing accomplishments. Nursing can be unbelievably challenging, especially at first, and I applaud anyone's efforts to breastfeed-even if just for a week. It is also not my intent to boob-shame anyone. Y'all are free to do as you please. You're welcome. I understand people have different stories, motives, reasons, etc., and it is totally fine for us to disagree.
I'm just tired of seeing boob pics on social media.
Yes, breastfeeding is proven to provide a more balanced nutritional meal than formula. The AAP and AMA say so, and those letters look super important. Breastfeeding is also freaking amazing. We can grow stuff and feed it, too. Mind. Blown.
But...
Women have nursed for years. Decades. Centuries! Did our great great grandmothers feel the need to post a breastfeeding picture with a fully exposed breast and semi-covered nipple for all to see on social media? Did they etch a picture of their boob onto a tree with a slew of tally marks underneath, each representing a month their boobs did hard labor? No. No, they did not.
Why?
Because they were just feeding their babies. IT WASN'T A BIG DEAL.
Perhaps the "movement" I've been witnessing on social media (the one with accompanying baby/boob pics) began because there were some pretty awful people saying rude things to mothers who were discreetly nursing in public. This is not ok, and I'm sorry if you have received any similar negativity while on your nursing journey.
Do you know what is also rude? Shaming the formula mommas. You might have either said something yourself or overheard comments. The little competitive bombs, gently tossed hither and yon, a kind of feeding name-dropping thing. "Oh totally fine that you didn't breastfeed more than a week! I just feel like my Michael would've had more health problems if I hadn't nursed him for a year...but good for you. You also give your toddler Mt. Dew, right?"
Let me tell you something. Formula did not become easily accessible in the United States until the early 1950s. This is my proof that breastfeeding will not make your child a good person: Think of all of the horrible people born before 1950. Ted Bundy, politicians (pick a politician, any politician), the awful witch lady from Snow White...I can go on and on. Most likely, they were all breastfed. The method by which your wee little one receives her nutrition will NOT make her a good person.
Let me say that again.
BREASTFEEDING WILL NOT MAKE YOUR CHILD A GOOD PERSON.
And it doesn't make you a better mom. I'm sorry. Yes, we are trying to be good mothers. Please know I commend us all for that. It is a tough, tough journey and I wish I could give you all plaques to hang on the wall. Nursing takes a lot of effort- just to feed a tiny human!
I will promise you this much, though: When that sweet little baby grows into a teenager that makes a bad decision (hopefully not too bad, but sometimes that happens, too), you will not sit and wonder if you should have nursed them longer.
And speaking of "movements"...
I will now argue that bowel movements are more important than breastfeeding. Yes, I'm serious.
5 Reasons Why Pooping is More Important than Breastfeeding:
1. If a mother isn't able to breastfeed, she(or anyone else) can go to the store to purchase formula, bottles, and the like.
2. If a mother isn't able to breastfeed, she(or anyone else) can also run to a friend, family member, or random neighbor in the event of a zombie apocalypse, seeking out any extra scoops or long lost sample packs of formula.
3. What if someone isn't able to go poop? THEY DIE.
4. If someone isn't able to go poop, they will require major surgery. Or... THEY WILL DIE.
5. Also, in the event of a zombie apocalypse- if someone isn't able to go poop, THEY WILL STILL DIE, but while hiding from zombies. Awful.
So.
Will this post help slow the amount of breastfeeding pictures I will see on social media? I don't think so.
Will this post anger some who have already posted nursing pictures on social media? I hope not, but probably. And you might want to check out that freckle.
Will I post a picture of my child eating a cheeseburger with a passive-aggressive caption about how I guess we're all posting pics of kids eating food? Possibly, if I can find a willing participant.
Will I continue to wonder why Snow White idiotically took a bite out of an apple that a creepy, shriveled up, random woman handed her? Endlessly.
Thank you for letting me air my frustrations. No mother should be shamed for nursing or bottle feeding and that is not my intent- I commend you all for doing your best to make sure your little plants are fed and watered with only the best nutrients and water molecules.
I'm just over here, drinking my coffee, wishing we could all #makeprivatepartsprivateagain.
Best Regards,
Bucky
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